October 22, 2017

homesick.




*WARNING- you're about to read through a brain dump.*

It's 12:14 am on Sunday night and I'm in this weird in-between feeling of missing the feeling of being home and just wanting this semester to end. I just want to go homeeeeeee
But at the same time, I know this feeling will pass and I'll be fine tomorrow. Maybe it's the three Facetime calls I had today with my family and two of my best friends, or maybe it's just that I've pushed away this feeling for so long, but I just miss home so much. It's also one of the only weekends that I've spend in Paris, and I feel bad not going out and having plans. I feel like I'm not taking advantage of the fact that I'm so lucky to be living here for four months, but at the same time...
I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT IS THIS FEELING.
CAN IT STOP.

The bright side of all this though, is that it's made me realize how many amazing people I have in my life. Like....damn, I really lucked out. That literally, I love every. single. person. that I have in my life. Isn't that just crazy? I can't believe it. 

But hey fun fact- it's weird, but I go to Chinatown in the 13th Arrondissement whenever I feel sad or slightly homesick and it makes me feel immensely better. I don't know if it's because I'm surrounded by Chinese people or if it's because I can speak Cantonese with other people, but that's what I've been doing. I think I've been to Chinatown at least once a week ever since I've been in Paris. But I haven't gone in two weeks...so maybe it's that? I'm planning to go tomorrow and buy a barbecue pork bun or something because those are my favorite :)
But also just thinking about that makes me want to cry lol


I also think it's the lack of physical contact that I've had while I've been here. I KNOW, IT SOUNDS WEIRD. But back home, I'm always hugging or holding hands with my friends or SOMETHING, and it's just so different here. I mean- granted, I've only met my friends 5 weeks ago, so it's totally understandable, but now that I'm so used to being so cuddly with my friends, I miss it. I can't wait to go home and just squeeze the heck out of everyone I love. 

So yes. Here is my update. I didn't think I would get homesick- especially since I was...not? for a solid month, and then it's like I just ran into this wall that is forcing me to look up and acknowledge that I AM, in fact, HOMESICK. I'm going to soak in this homesickness feeling for a bit, cry it out, and then wake up tomorrow with a new mission in mind-bake some banana bread.
oh and go to Chinatown for some bbq pork buns :-) 

Talk soon x

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