October 22, 2017

*WARNING- you're about to read through a brain dump.*

It's 12:14 am on Sunday night and I'm in this weird in-between feeling of missing the feeling of being home and just wanting this semester to end. I just want to go homeeeeeee
But at the same time, I know this feeling will pass and I'll be fine tomorrow. Maybe it's the three Facetime calls I had today with my family and two of my best friends, or maybe it's just that I've pushed away this feeling for so long, but I just miss home so much. It's also one of the only weekends that I've spend in Paris, and I feel bad not going out and having plans. I feel like I'm not taking advantage of the fact that I'm so lucky to be living here for four months, but at the same time...

The bright side of all this though, is that it's made me realize how many amazing people I have in my life. Like....damn, I really lucked out. That literally, I love every. single. person. that I have in my life. Isn't that just crazy? I can't believe it. 

But hey fun fact- it's weird, but I go to Chinatown in the 13th Arrondissement whenever I feel sad or slightly homesick and it makes me feel immensely better. I don't know if it's because I'm surrounded by Chinese people or if it's because I can speak Cantonese with other people, but that's what I've been doing. I think I've been to Chinatown at least once a week ever since I've been in Paris. But I haven't gone in two maybe it's that? I'm planning to go tomorrow and buy a barbecue pork bun or something because those are my favorite :)
But also just thinking about that makes me want to cry lol

I also think it's the lack of physical contact that I've had while I've been here. I KNOW, IT SOUNDS WEIRD. But back home, I'm always hugging or holding hands with my friends or SOMETHING, and it's just so different here. I mean- granted, I've only met my friends 5 weeks ago, so it's totally understandable, but now that I'm so used to being so cuddly with my friends, I miss it. I can't wait to go home and just squeeze the heck out of everyone I love. 

So yes. Here is my update. I didn't think I would get homesick- especially since I was...not? for a solid month, and then it's like I just ran into this wall that is forcing me to look up and acknowledge that I AM, in fact, HOMESICK. I'm going to soak in this homesickness feeling for a bit, cry it out, and then wake up tomorrow with a new mission in mind-bake some banana bread.
oh and go to Chinatown for some bbq pork buns :-) 

Talk soon x


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